Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
