I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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