so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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