I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
