It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
