Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
