i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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