I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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