you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
