if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
