You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
