just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
