Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
