Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
