Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize