You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
