i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
