The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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