She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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