hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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