**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
