I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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