At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
