I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize