I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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