so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
