I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize