We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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