Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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