I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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