Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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