Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
