He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
