Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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