People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
