FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
