Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
