GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize