The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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