Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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