Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize