i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
