please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
