for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
