Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
