i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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