I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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