D3 body, D1 cock
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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