It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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