I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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