3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
