i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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