you guys were way drunker than both of me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
