Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize