they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize