I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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