I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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