Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
