I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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