Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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