are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
