Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
